What is Menopause?

Menopause refers to the end of the menstrual cycle, which is formally 12 months after a woman’s last menstrual period. The body reduces production of the hormones estrogen and progesterone, marking the end of a woman’s fertility. Typically experienced between the ages of 45 and 55, it is a natural transition in the ageing process.  

During the time leading up to that point, women may experience changes in their menstruation. They could look like irregular periods, heavier or lighter flow, longer period or symptoms that resemble menopause. 

Apart from age, menopause can be triggered by surgical removal of the womb or ovaries. 

Frustration with menopause

An inevitable transition with legitimate frustration. 

Menopause affects each woman uniquely and in many ways.  

The body undergoes a big change, possibly experienced as weight gain, weaker bones, body aches, weaker bladder and reduced sex drive.  

Life on a day-to-day basis may involve hot flashes which can be intense enough to cause fatigue and disrupt sleep, and it can last for years after menopause! Sexual intercourse may also become painful or uncomfortable.  

Some women may experience irritability, moodiness or even depression. It might also be frustrating when they struggle with concentration and memory. Major bodily changes also affect their confidence and self-esteem.  

Tips to Manage Menopause

Ψ Mindfulness 

Mindfulness is simply awareness. Pay attention to the difficult emotions and physical symptoms arising from menopause – the resentment, low mood, hot flushes and body pains. Notice your thoughts – are they kind or critical. Allow yourself to feel them all. Take a back seat and just observe them as they are, without judgement.   

It would be helpful to take note of the things that trigger your hot flushes or mood swings so that you can avoid them or take steps to mitigate the effects.  

You may refer to our Guided Therapies for some mindfulness practices to increase your awareness to the present moment – your thoughts, your feelings, bodily sensations etc. 

Ψ Radical acceptance 

Radical acceptance is about accepting life as it is instead of fighting reality or getting stuck in negative thoughts like “I hate being a woman”, “why do women have to go through this”, “this is so unfair”. It does not mean begrudgingly resigning yourself to fate or seeing yourself as helpless. It is the complete acceptance that the situation is beyond your control, even if it is not how you want them to be. 

Accepting the reality will not remove your pain – your hot flushes and body aches are still going to bother you. But when you choose to radically accept things that are not within your control, you avoid getting stuck in bitterness and despair. This frees up your energy to pursue what truly matters to you in life. 

Ψ Relaxation 

Pursue your interests and hobbies, basically any activity that brings you joy. Given that menopause is a very personal experience, you would need to try out various options to see what works for you. Maybe it’s a walk in the neighbourhood, baking, or spending time with your friends and family. 

Getting adequate sleep can be a challenge for women going through menopause. This sets them up for frustration and stress. Some simple sleep hygiene tips include keeping our sleep environment cool and dark, and avoiding caffeine, nicotine and alcohol from late afternoon onwards. 

Ψ Family and social support 

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Often, we hold ourselves back from seeking or accepting help because we feel guilty, do not want to appear weak, feel judged or unsatisfied with how things are done when outsourced. 

Pause and ask yourself the following

• Is it possible for me to do everything?

• How can someone help me?

• Am I minimising my needs?

Help could come in physical form like dividing chores between family members, or emotional support like sharing your discomfort and struggles with your friends and family.  

Care for yourself on this newfangled menopause journey. 

How to support your loved ones going through menopause? 

Ψ Emotional support 

Be sure to express compassion and empathy. They are grappling with this major life transition that is foreign and overwhelming to them. Do not dismiss, criticise or guilt-trip them when they share about their discomfort or ask for help. 

As much as you want them to feel better, do not rush to offer advice or problem-solve. We most probably cannot imagine their pain and discomfort so let’s not try to be an expert in their condition. Instead, take a curious and empathetic stance, ask them about how they feel and acknowledge that it is as bad as it feels to them. Be with them in the pain rather than trying to pull them of the pain.

Ψ Practical support 

Learn more about menopause to understand what they are going through. Let them know that you are keen to help, and ask how you could be of help. For instance, you could offer to run errands for them or help out with chores.