Coping with Sexual Assault
Credit: Millennials of Singapore
AWARE Sexual Assault Care Centre
6779 0282 (10AM to midnight, Mon-Fri)
KK Women's Hospital
6225 5554 (24 hours)
Singapore General Hospital
6222 3322
Tan Tock Seng Hospital
1800 7372 7500
Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual behaviour that makes a person feel uncomfortable, threatened or scared. Consent is key - if you did not consent to such behaviour, or withdrew your consent, and the other party continues to make unwelcome advances, that is sexual assault.
AWARE Singapore has also published a helpful resource on what sexual assault is.
If you are a victim of sexual assault, please don’t blame yourself for whatever that has happened to you.
No one has the right to violate you no matter how you dressed, or whether you are unconscious or not.
First Steps
Try and remember as much as you can about your surroundings when the assault occurred; the smallest details can make a huge difference. At the earliest opportunity, try and picture the offender’s face, features or clothing (distinct colours, features or brands for example).
If you were unconscious during the assault, try to remember what you can of what occurred before and after you became unconscious or assaulted, including your surroundings. Find out if there was anyone around whom you can ask for more information of what happened.
Lodge a police report and seek medical attention as soon as possible in case of STIs and pregnancy.
In order to gather and preserve evidence, a sexual assault forensic examination (commonly referred to as “rape kit exam”) can be done at either KK Women’s Hospital, Singapore General Hospital or Tan Tock Seng Hospital within 72 hours of the incident – these hospitals are best equipped to deal with sexual assault.
You are required to make a police report before doing the rape kit exam. If you are under the age of 21, your parent or legal guardian is required for the rape kit exam.
Although it is strongly advisable to make a police report and undergo the rape kit exam, do not feel that you must do so against your will (or at the insistence of your family or friends) if doing so causes you great distress. This may only end up worsening your mental health. Instead, persuade your loved ones to respect your decision.
Management
It is normal to feel strong emotions such as disgust or shame. Don’t avoid experiencing them.
Accepting that these feelings are unavoidable is the first step to managing what you are going through. When you are ready, open up about what happened to people you trust. In fact, keeping the fact of the assault all to yourself can be extremely suffocating.
There are countless testimonies published online (#MeToo movement) and support groups where survivors share their experiences – AWARE has one for female survivors (16 years of age and above) of sexual assault. You could hear from others on how they coped with their experiences. If you’re not comfortable speaking to a group of people, you could share your story online anonymously with HearToChange or speak to a trusted friend. We all need an outlet somehow.
Sharing your experience and seeking comfort in the support of others can help you to cope with the debilitating incident. Here are some benefits of doing so:
Ψ Release pent up emotions
Ψ Receiving support from a support network (family, volunteers, welfare organisations)
Ψ Make sense of your thoughts and emotions
Ψ Greater clarity of what happened during the incident
Ψ One step closer to management
Ψ Spread awareness of this issue in society (without these small contributions, many others may continue to be oblivious)
Even if you really do not feel like confiding in someone, try and seek out at least one or two trusted confidants.
Acceptance (Not Avoidance!)
While it may be painful, recalling and accepting the incident is important. Avoidance only makes whatever you were avoiding more salient.
The harder you try to avoid it, the more likely that you will be reminded of it, or make it more salient in your head. Acceptance is not the same as blaming yourself for what happened. Rather, it includes being able to accept that what happened was out of your control.
Coping with Flashbacks
It is common to experience traumatic flashbacks. Prepare yourself by developing some awareness of possible triggers (e.g. certain smells). Once you are more aware of your triggers, it will help you make sense of what is happening and why.
During flashbacks, pay attention to physical sensations and what emotions you are feeling during these episodes. After, take steps to calm down, such as breathing exercises. Ground yourself in the present (e.g. tapping your arms, naming the current day) as this will help you realise that it is a flashback and not reality.
Don’t Isolate Yourself!
Stay connected with loved ones and join social activities. You don’t have to constantly talk about sexual assault or things related to it. You can do things that have nothing to do with the trauma itself.
If these activities bring you joy, they can be equally helpful. Participating in joyful activities isn’t avoidance. You can choose to accept that you are feeling low or down, and yet try to do something to lift your spirits.
Seek Professional Help
Sexual assault and trauma is linked to a bunch of mental disorders, depression, PTSD, anxiety disorders etc… If you feel unable to carry on with your everyday life due to the repercussions of the incident, seek help from a mental health professional.
For friends, family, loved ones of victims
Don’t blame them for whatever that has happened, pass judgments or express doubt on their story.
Be a listening ear. Listen to their narration of events, bearing in mind that effect of trauma may have had an adverse impact on their ability to accurately remember the relevant sequence of events.
Don’t downplay or trivialise the incident. This will (definitely) come across as doubting or invalidating their feelings. Let them feel whatever they must feel as part of their own process.
At an appropriate time, encourage them to seek help whenever they can (e.g. psychologists, counsellors), but let them do so on their own terms. Do not insist for them to seek help. Only encourage them to do so if it seems as though their distress is causing them to be unable to function daily or normally.
Provide emotional support whenever you can. A sexual assault experience can be extremely traumatic and effects can last for a long time. Think along the lines of “How can I be there for him/her?” rather than “What concrete steps do I need to take to help?”.
For others
Tips/Precautions
Be mindful of your surroundings and the environment you are in. If necessary, take additional precautions if you have to walk in an unsafe area.
Do not assume that someone else will look out for your safety. In bars or at parties, keep your drink with you. Leaving your drink unattended makes it possible for someone to spike them with date rape drugs or intoxicating alcohol. Know your limits and keep within them, especially when it comes to drinking in unfamiliar places. Being surrounded by familiar people does not make a place “familiar”.
Sexual assault occurs even if you least expect it. Do not keep quiet if an assault is imminent. The shock may overwhelm and you may be too frightened, but always seek help immediately. Scream or shout for help if you have to.
How to contribute to the cause
Stay current on sexual assault laws. By educating ourselves on the many forms and types of sexual assault, when they can happen and what safety nets we have in place in society, we become more knowledgeable on the issue and can either help spread awareness, or strive for change in the community.
Become an advocate for sexual assault victims. You can start small – from sharing with your friends and family about your experiences (if any) and how you survived. You can volunteer for AWARE, join a movement or speak up about the issue whenever you can.
Know how to respond to sexual assault cases. For example, if a stranger approaches you for help or if you witness something happening, don’t be an apathetic bystander. Help the person. With people being more alert and informed, offenders will be more afraid to act out. Deterrence may not completely stop sexual assault, but it can at least reduce the number of cases and victims.