Kindness and compassion are traits that most parents value highly in their children. So, what can you do to raise children who are kind and altruistic? This is where psychological research comes in handy! Numerous studies have been conducted to find out what parenting behaviours are most strongly associated with raising kind children. Here are some tips and guidelines on what you can do:

Ψ Model positive behaviours

Children model their behaviour significantly from their parents. When your children see you performing acts of kindness, they will be much more likely to do the same. Research has consistently shown that children who have at least one parent who demonstrates values of altruism to them are more likely to be altruistic too. Similarly, when caregivers are nurturing and intentionally model helping behaviour, young children engaged in more helpful behaviours and displayed more sympathy to other children who were hurt.

Ψ Hold children personally responsible and accountable

If your children know that you are specifically counting on them to be kind, they will be more likely to behave more kindly. For example, a study looked at how much Halloween candy 4 to 13 year olds donate to children in hospitals. Children donated more when the researchers told them specifically and individually that the researchers would put their names on the candy the children donated and that they were counting on them. Children tended to donate less when they believed that their donations were not individually traceable. As such, giving your children their own responsibility to be kind makes them more likely to behave accordingly.

Ψ Do not give children extrinsic rewards for helping

Children, even those who are young, are intrinsically motivated to be kind. Giving them extrinsic motivation, such as money or toys, can make them attribute their kindness to the reward, thus losing their intrinsic motivation. Young children who were rewarded materially for helping other people become less likely to help in the future when no reward is presented, compared to children who were only praised or not rewarded at all for helping. So instead of rewarding your child whenever they display acts of kindness, praise and encourage them instead!

Ψ Use positive, non-coercive methods

Parents who discipline their children with positive, non-coercive methods and express positive feelings more tend to raise children who are more compassionate toward others. Positive, non-coercive discipline methods include showing empathy, explain reasons behind requests, and using non-controlling languages that imply they have a choice. Coercive discipline methods include yelling, spanking, and using threatening language.

Ψ Expose children to the less fortunate

This may seem like a counterintuitive point as parents often instinctively want to shield their children from all the pain and suffering out there in the world. However, doing so limits the opportunities for children to feel compassion for others. In the other hand, exposing children to the less fortunate provides them more opportunities to dedicate their time and energy to others, extends their compassion, encourages feelings of gratitude, and makes them more altruistic.

All in all, the most important thing is to love your children and make character a top priority in your family!