Ever felt anxious or filled with dread when your phone buzzes, displaying a name or number you didn’t expect to see, or a name that just comes up way too often?

Or maybe, intense anxiety when you misplace your phone, unsure where you’ve left it as you got dressed in the morning?

You just might have been experiencing telephobia (anxiety in picking up phone calls) or nomophobia (phone separation anxiety).

For most of us, we might experience some jitters and butterflies within us – a quick activation of our nervous system which spikes our heart rate, shoots adrenaline through our systems and makes us feel like we’re stuck in a rabbit hole, but we may also quickly manage to soothe ourselves, take some deep breaths and figure out what to do next.  

The ‘Little’ Things can Snowball

The anxiety we feel towards picking up that phone call or losing our phones (or connection) can be so intense that we’d choose never to pick up a phone call, or we’d make sure to always bring a charger, a spare phone, have a sling attached to it, or find all sorts of ways to make sure it’ll always be there with us.

These methods could work for a long time, or forever - if we’re lucky. Unfortunately, there is a higher chance that we’ll have to make a phone call one day, or we’ll inevitably lose our phones or internet connectivity in some rural area. Practically speaking, it’s more sustainable to learn how to make that phone call, or how to live with periods of our lives when we might not have access to the internet or our phones.

Imagine if one day, someone we love calls us for an emergency – but we didn’t know because we chose not to pick up that phone call. Or, we’re in a foreign place without the internet or our phone – what do we do then?

The ‘Little’ Steps to Take

Ψ Prepare

• For phone calls: Plan responses or what to say beforehand, thinking about the  goals of each conversation, and keep notes beside us during the calls

• For losing connectivity: Plan how to manage the different possibilities of losing connectivity or our phones – from short cellular signal failures, to completely losing our phones – how would we cope in these scenarios?

Ψ Practice

• For phone calls: start with calling automated customer hotlines, to asking for opening hours for restaurants, make calls that are within our comfort levels

• For losing connectivity: plan specific “lull” moments in a day where we have to disconnect from our phones, be it on our commute, meal times, or in our sleep routine

Ψ Progress is not linear

• Take one step forward each day, and accept that there will be days that we take a step back

Change doesn’t happen overnight, and growth can snowball into something substantial. Things take time, and there’s no shame in trying to take it one step at a time. If things still feel unmanageable, reach out to others, or us, for support.