Wanting to Die vs. Wanting the Pain to Stop
When you die, you truly end everything. The life you have as you know it - memories, dreams, relationships, experiences, anything.
When you relieve pain, you relieve suffering. But things remain - your life, memories, goals, relationships, control.
We understand that we're stepping into sensitive territory here, and we want you to know that our intention is never to interrogate or invalidate your experiences. We recognise that life can be incredibly challenging, and we don’t know what you’re going through. If you’re here, we can only assume that you feel lost, and at a loss, on what to do, how to live, or how to stop the pain you feel. We can’t give you the answers or any miracle cure, but we hope you manage to be pointed in the right direction.
For those of us who are feeling intense pain, wanting to die is our scream for the pain to stop - feeling like there’s no way out of the darkness but to forever live in it, without consciously experiencing it.
However, in the darkness, there may be doors we can’t see.
Pain is like a stubborn weed, often rooted in something deeper. Alleviating pain starts with finding the rotten root.
By uncovering "rotten roots" and understanding how to cut them off, it's possible to remove some of the painful weeds in our heart.
Yet, we urge some kindness throughout this process. It may be challenging to discern where, what, or who that "rotten root" represents.
If the search becomes overwhelming, it's okay to take breaks.
Whenever we’re ready, we can begin searching for the rotten roots, by considering these questions:
1. What are the words that inflict the deepest wounds upon our heart?
2. What emotions accompany this pain? Is it sadness, regret, guilt, or helplessness?
3. When did this pain first manifest? Were there specific events or circumstances that triggered it?
4. Have we experienced any significant losses? What did we lose?
5. Are there any regrets that we carry, weighing heavily on our soul?
6. What is it that we’re really missing or craving?
Tip: Imagine a world where you can get anything you want or be anything you wish to be.
What does it look like? What do you see? What are you doing? Who is there? Who ISN’T there?
The journey of trying to understand your internal experiences can be gruelling – you don’t have to do it alone. We’re here to support you.
If you’re struggling to cope with suicidal thoughts, we have an article dedicated on the ways to cope here.